Exit Wounds
by llamajoy
now maybe there's a God above
but all I've ever learned from love
is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.
and it's not complaint you hear tonight,
and it's not some pilgrim who's seen the light--
it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah!
--leonard cohen
Ssh. Sun's up. I'm leaving now, honey.
Just another morning. No, I don't think it's beautiful. It never was. Beautiful? Please don't talk to me about a sunrise or a human soul, it's all too hot, too scalding to the touch. You burn your fingers when you grab the wrong end of a cigarette; you shouldn't get too close.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There is nothing I can tell you about the world. You're so much better than I am.
Maybe this morning is kind of pretty. Sand just so, reflecting the light, makes the whole horizon kind of bright.
Blinding.
Dammit, no. It's not pretty, and it never will be. This planet is the worst. Don't let them tell you that anything's goddamn fucking beautiful; they're lying.
Every man's a liar.
Oh, honey, your eyes-- don't look at me that way.
I'm a liar, too.
You know I drink you like a thirsty man, your smile sweeter than water. But you know that; I know you know. Smart girl.
Hell, you probably know more about a lot of things than I do. Faith and sex and god, all that.
I hurt you. It's in the angle of your hips, the way you're sitting there. Tell me the truth.
God, I'm sorry. Don't forgive me; get angry, hit me. It's going to hurt again, when I leave. Goings in, goings out, and it's all about pain.
Stay here, honey. I can't win, but you might yet. You've shown me that. I look at you and I believe there might be hope for-- well, just hope.
Stay here till the shooting stops, all right? Do that for me. Pretend the gunfire's thunder, pretend stormclouds are rolling in, pretend the drops of blood are simply rain. We could all use a little rain, in this godforsaken dusty world.
Stay like that, honey, head on your hands, keep your face safe. It's a beautiful face.
Yeah-- yeah, it is.
When you see him again, tell him I-- no, never mind. Don't worry about it; it's nothing.
Stay put and you might learn something, you never know. Or maybe not. It might even be all right.
I'm leaving now, honey. Lock the door behind you, I'm on my way.
Hallelujah.
~o~